First post in 2 years, catching up on life, reflections on fatherhood

        To those of you who are still following me and came back to see this post, thank you for stopping in. It has been 2 years since I last posted anything to this page (little over actually since my animal suffering post was July 10, 2021). I fell off writing because my wife and I were going through one of our biggest challenges we have faced, the supposed impending death and miscarriage of our second child, Austin. I say supposed because God is good and Austin survived long odds to not only make it to term, but he is a happy almost 2 year old now. Our daughter Abby is also doing great, almost 4 now, and she loves her brother fiercely. This particular post won’t necessarily be focusing on an apologetics topic (I hope to tackle the origin and uses of different Bible translations soon), I want to do use this post to tell that story of Austin’s miraculous turn around in the womb, and reflect on what all God has shown me and grown me in during almost 4 years of being a father.

I totally meant to write this around New Year’s of 2022, but obviously that didn’t happen. In February 2021, I lost my paternal grandfather, but found out my wife Elizabeth and I were expecting our second child, and we had decided to name him, if he was a son, after my 2 grandfathers who have gone on to see Jesus (Austin Henry). My maternal grandfather had passed away at the end of 2013, and both of these great men instilled quite a bit into their grandchildren and loved hearing about my fledgling apologetics pursuit when I started way back when.

In May 2021, we found out we were having a son, and that he was high risk for down syndrome by the blood test Elizabeth had to determine the gender of the baby. We went to a fetal medical specialist, and Austin was accumulating fluid in multiple places in his body (behind and in neck, bowels, heart, and face). This was diagnosed as hydrops fetalis and indicated a possible heart defect, and meant a very high risk (~75 percent) of miscarriage/still birth. Down syndrome babies already have a 1 in 3 miscarriage rate, so the specialist we were seeing put my wife on weekly ultrasound visits so we could perform a D and C as soon as Austin passed because he figured that there was little chance this baby would make it to term. We prayed our hearts out, and our friends and family did as well. Our specialist said that the fluid could resolve at 14-15 weeks and should if Austin was going to make it, but he wasn't hopeful. We got to week 14, and the fluid was still there and increasing in areas. We just prayed for God to either take him home now or heal him, because we didn't want to see him suffer, or suffer more ourselves. Week 15 came, and the fluid was still there, so it was all but certain we were going to lose Austin in the womb.

A day before our week 18 visit , Elizabeth had a prayer counsel with members from her colleague's church. One of the women claimed to have a vision of our son singing, dancing, and playing piano, and did not tell us this until after Austin was born. We didn't know what to make with that. Week 18 comes, and the fluid is going away and within normal levels for healthy babies in all areas. The doctor came in and just looked at us for what felt like an hour, then said “this baby might make it”. Praise God!

At week 30, and even the doctor now says no apparent down syndrome phenotypes in sight. The nurses are apparently telling stories about our son and the almost literal transition from death to life he has been given. At week 35, Elizabeth was sent to the maternity ward for an emergency c-section because there were slight flutters in Austin’s heart that made the doctors concerned about the placenta detaching and endangering him. I made it to the hospital in time to be with Elizabeth as Austin was delivered. He had made it, and all we could do is praise God for this miracle baby. Because of his early birth, Austin did spend a few weeks in the NICU and required some treatments to help his lung growth and some jaundice, but we made it out and have him home.

In 2022, Austin had to deal with some infantile spasms that are rare for down syndrome babies, but they were treated fairly quickly due to quick intervention by a great neurologist. The treatment involved adult doses of steroids to basically reboot his system. It made for a very rough few months, but thankfully that is over and he is spasm free. For reference, these spasms can appear in non-DS children, but usually indicate something much worse such as childhood brain cancer.

Now in 2023, Austin is doing great and thriving. The spasms did put his physical development behind, but he has no structural issues with heart, brain, or bowel, which are the big 3 problem areas for down syndrome. We are dealing with a floppy airway and some issues that cause sleep apnea, but how good is our God that we have gone from death to life with a relatively common medical issue? God is so good my friends, and this is as close as I have been to a personal miracle claim.

It has been a long 4 years, for multiple reasons. Abby being born right before covid lead to Elizabeth and I being isolated when it did hit, and Abby went undiagnosed with a lip tie and acid reflux. This lead to a cycle of Abby waking up screaming, eating herself to sleep, rinse and repeat. Because of the lip tie, Abby was bottle averse, which meant Elizabeth was tied up feeding Abby and I couldn’t help. It was a massive source of stress because everyone told us it was just us being new parents and not used to an infant. Combine that with the usual new parent stresses, and the unprecedented levels of crazy and uncertainty with the pandemic and the lockdowns, and we had to work hard to rely on God and not be caught up with the tossing waves of the world. I admit, we didn’t do great for a while. Now we are better, but it takes tons of work and prayer to keep us there.

I learned very quickly how short my patience was when it came to Abby crying, and had to work hard on that and with adequacy issues when Elizabeth was the only person to calm her down. I got some help by leaning on my Bible studies, learning how to take breaks and trusting that Elizabeth wasn’t mad at me when I did. I also found help with the Dad Tired book by Jerrad Lopes and the Facebook group founded by the author. A secondary issue that I still work on is when I lose my temper, I scare Abby and it takes a while to calm her down. It’s mostly because I’m a 6’4 260 lb giant to her, and learning how to come down to her level and keep my cool when my tiny now 3 year old has me at my wits end.

Having Austin even just in utero was a test of relying on God and being patient, as well as revisiting all the previous lessons and problems. Elizabeth and I lived in a pretty dark place for a lot of Austin’s pregnancy, as we were waiting on him to die, according to all the grim diagnoses that we received. We had each individually battled the idea of terminating the pregnancy to save him and us from all of it, but we both were reminded that God is in control, and it was up to Him if Austin was going to make it or not. Thankfully he made it to us here on this side of Heaven, and he is doing relatively well. We still have many medical struggles given the Down syndrome and it has us in a constant state of fight or flight (or “home or hospital”). It is draining and I have to constantly remind myself to be intentional in my prayer life and study time. It’s relatively easy when I am in semester and teaching because I can usually use my office hours for it, but I find myself just killing time on my phone or mindlessly watching TV during vacation time.

So if I were to sum up what fatherhood has attempted to drill into me, it is reliance on God, patience with myself and my children, and self-control, as I have tiny impressionable little people who learn from everything I say and do, and I want them to be on the right path. I don’t always get it right, or even ok, but I am working on accepting grace for myself to try again every day. Pray for me on that, dear reader.

That has been mine and my family’s life for the past few years. I am hoping that things are starting to stabilize enough that I can come back to once a month-ish writing and posting on this blog. Pray for me on my own growth and that I have time to get back to this and that it is a tool of my own growth as well as yours. Next topic I plan to tackle is Bible translations as I dealt with a KJV only person in my church a few weeks back. God bless and have a good rest of your day!

Bonus story:

              I decided to add this in since I’ve been bragging on my son. Our first child, Abigail, does not have down syndrome, but I have a funny story on her birth. Abby was born on Thanksgiving day of 2019, and the night before, Elizabeth was telling me about how she was feeling odd and that she had a feeling Abby might be coming soon (she was due on D-Day that year). I knelt down and placed my face close to Elizabeth’s stomach, and I told Abby that she needed to come before the turkey went in the oven, or after it came out, because I didn’t want to accidentally burn the house down by forgetting it in there. Turns out she chose before, because contractions started at 3 am Thanksgiving morning. We got packed up and down to the hospital, but Elizabeth wasn’t far enough along to make it past triage, and we were about to be sent home to wait. Elizabeth didn’t want to go back home and deal with this, so she prayed for God to move her along to avoid it. At that moment, Abby jumped in the right way and broke her water so we got to stay. Everything else went well until she stalled coming down the birth canal, so Abby was also a c-section baby at 5 pm on Thanksgiving day, being our turkey. Another prayer answered, and our family became a party of 3.